Famous Witches Who Never Made It Out of the Broom Closet
Okay, time for a little witchy fun. We all know that Hollywood has created some really OFFENSIVE Witches – characters that have nothing to do with true Witches or witchcraft, but how about the good Hollywood Witches? We`re all familiar with Hermione, Sabrina, The Charmed Ones, Glinda, and Samantha… but what about all those characters who never made it out of the broom closet? I love these characters. For one reason or another, they have had a positive impact on humankind, but Hollywood NEVER actually called them “WITCHES” – Judge for yourself!
#10. Nanny McPhee: The name alone… I want to know what kind of magick turns
spoiled brats, misguided Little Ones into well-behaved up-and-coming citizens! She even wants us to shush about it in this photo, but we`re here to say: She`s A Witch!
#9 Snow White: We all know about the Wicked Queen in the story, but come on! Snow White (note the magickal name) not only talked to the Wee Folk, but befriended wild animals and then made them do some serious housework — deer and chipmunks did the dishes, squirrels dusted, and bluebirds hung her laundry. Hedgewitch!!
#8 Phoebe Figalilly: Some of you may not know her, but the theme here seems to be that Witches make GREAT nannies!
#7 Radar: The corporal on M.A.S.H. knew everything that was going to happen before it happened. He completed assignments before the orders came. His famous line was always “incoming” when choppers were bringing new wounded. But no one ever heard the helicopters when he said it. The helicopters showed up a little later. He`s a Witch!
#6 Wonder woman: She was named after the Goddess “Dianna” and lived on an island of all women who were exceptionally gifted. She used knot magick and flew an “invisible airplane”. How gullible does Hollywood think we are? I`m thinking this was one big Dianic coven! She`s a Witch!
#5 Alice in Wonderland: She traveled on the astral to another dimension, wasn`t afraid to drink potions and cakes (Cakes and Wine, anyone?), and talked with animals. She used some serious flying ointment! She`s a Witch!
#4 Dr. Doolittle: Speaking of talking with animals — He`s a Witch!
#3 Jean Gray of X-Men: She hid under the guise of being a “mutant” because even that might be more politically correct, but we all know she is really a very talented and nurturing – and stylish – Witch!
#2 Lois Lane: This is obviously a Love Spell done at the same time as a Success Spell that went bad. Lois draws Super-Strong-Alien-From-Outer-Space who also becomes her ONLY story as a reporter. Very Aunt Clara. She`s a Witch!
#1 Mary Poppins: Like I said, Witches make great nannies. She used an umbrella instead of a broom (very practical in London), had a magickal bag, and used “just a spoonful of sugar” for medicine (Yeah. Right. Sugar.), and sang incantations to make the children enjoy working. Any questions? She`s totally a Witch!
Your turn! Please feel free to add your own Witches – characters who Hollywood keeps in the Broom Closet!
A final note to Witches and/or Wiccans and/or Pagans: The Hollywood portrayal of Witches sometimes infuriates me; I don`t know of any true Witches in literature or Hollywood, and it`s getting worse. I`m working hard to erase stereotypes through my Wiccan fiction. If you do know of any characters who represent true Witches I would love to hear about them! In any case – I`m out of the broom closet, and just having a little fun here 😉
Have a Wonderful Samhain!